Ode to Dad

Father's Day
Dad and me saying goodbye in 1993 – when we moved out of state.

This morning I picked up a book and a book-marker fell out. It was one of the ones made my niece, Kelly, for my Dad’s memorial service last December.  There on the floor was a picture of my dad staring up at me, unexpectedly.

It occurs to me that this has probably been a contributing factor to my down feelings the last ten days.  Buying Father’s Day cards for other people’s dads is not the same as buying a special one for your own and spending time with him.  I miss him.

If you still have yours and if you are lucky enough to see him tomorrow, give him a hug and hold him tight.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Denial – It’s Okay (Or is it?)

I took a short break from blogging, which turned into a longer-than-expected break. Truth is, I’ve been in a transition period since ‘losing’ my full-time caregiver job, i.e., my father, a few months ago. While he was living with me, this past year, I kept my business going, somehow. Having a work-from-home business can be a blessing and a curse, all at the same time. There is no doubt the blessing part this past year, was being able to be home and take care of my dad. However, taking care of Dad was painfully difficult and created a situation whereby I was unable to focus on anything else – the curse. I would be living in a ridiculous state of denial if I did not confess this truth. Those who know me best know that I pride myself in being real. I don’t believe that putting up a front for others honors our true selves, so I tend to tell it like it is. There will be a touch of this honesty in every future blog post, no doubt, for it is who I am. Consider this your fair warning.

I learned much from watching my father in his last months. He was an interesting character, to say the least. He had an innate ability to live in denial; yet, at the same time he was a huge worrier. It was confusing to observe this, but thankfully I learned some life lessons that will forevermore stay with me. My denial antenna (the one that allows me to spot it in myself and others) has sharpened. Continue reading

Confessions of a Caregiver

I thought when Dad first arrived that this could be a precious time where father and daughter might open up to each other and share honest truths. After all, plenty of well-meaning friends have said, “Cherish this time, Debbie.” These well-meaning friends have never been in my shoes, I guarantee it.** With all that said, I am a realist and I know my father pretty well. He has never been a great communicator. He tells stories. The same stories over and over. Stories are valuable and so I (try to) listen. Continue reading

The Beginning

Like a lot of people, I live my life with eyes wide open. Except of course when I notice I’m entertaining my friend, Denial. Perhaps you know her? She’s nearly everywhere once you start paying attention. She means well. In fact, she might even be considered a life-saver in certain circumstances.

Dad's First Winter
My Dad, Winter 2010

A year ago I inadvertently became full time caregiver to my 85 year old father, the King of Denial. Continue reading