Flexibility, Freedom, and Testing the Waters

MomYesterday was my mother’s birthday. She would have been 88. I wonder when I’ll stop doing that—calculating how old she would be if she were still alive today. It’s good to be remembered. I hope some of my loved ones will do that for me long after I’m gone from this world. In the meantime, I blog–or at least I pretend to blog, when I find time . . . and let me just say, this is not an effective way to blog.

My business keeps me far busier than I’d like to be, and it seems to me that this being busy thing prevents me from doing what it is that truly brings joy to my heart and fulfills me. Please don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making soap, and I am passionate about growing my business, but some days I find myself forgetting my why.

Why AM I in business for myself?

Flexibility – Working in the corporate world was painfully stifling to my soul. Being stuck in a cubicle with no windows, felt like prison to me and I desperately needed to escape, or I would certainly die. That’s how I felt anyway. I’m embarrassed to admit I still have those same feelings on many days. I’m stuck here at my computer, with a pretty great view. I’m stuck in my soap studio, with soap pots and utensils to clean. I’m stuck labeling hundreds of bottles, jars, and bars. I’m stuck at the farmer’s market, out in the fresh air talking to old friends and making new ones. I have no time to WRITE or PAINT or READ!  Hmph. Go figure. I’ve created a very corporate-like environment for myself, it turns out.

Freedom – To be my own boss, oh how that would make my life perfect! If I only had the flexibility and the freedom to do my own thing, I could write or paint or read every single day.  I could blog! As a matter of fact, I was told by my professional mentor in 2008 that I should blog. I asked him, “Blog about what?” He gave me some suggestions but nothing resonated. I remember his words, his tone, his sincerity, as if it were a defining moment in my life. The funny thing is I had started blogging way back in 1999 on a website I created called Creative Deeds, beforeblog was a word. Maybe I invented blogging! No, I won’t go that far, but I do wonder how and why I stopped. It must have been that darned corporate job . . . All writers understand that daily writing is an essential component to life—like breathing.

Money – Nobody told me how expensive it is to operate a business. But I have faith that with persistence and diligence and some smart business savvy, and more persistence and diligence, the money will come. Eventually.

To Test the Waters — I have chosen to be self-employed, at least partly because I have always wanted to see if I could do it on my own. I’m doing it. It’s hard, and some days I want to quit, but I know the alternative is not a good option for me.

I am grateful that I have a constant desire to learn and grow, because I am reminded once again that it is my choice to create the life that I want. If I want to write or paint or read, I can create time for that—we all can, no matter what we do for a living. To aspire to one day reach the other side of denial is ultimately why I blog. Because we truly are all in this together.

I miss my mom. I wish I could pick up the phone and have some good old girl talk with her. Although I wouldn’t want to try to explain to her what blogging is–that would take a lifetime.


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3 thoughts on “Flexibility, Freedom, and Testing the Waters

  1. You will do it for as long as your alive. My Dad has been gone since he was 49 he would be 91 had he lived. Love and miss him everyday, in fact Bob and I were sitting on the patio having coffee this morning and he said he wished he could jump in the car and go see his Mom and Dad. I am like you Debbie I hope some finds a few minutes to miss me when I’m gone. Bless us all.

  2. I am grateful both my parents are vital and healthy. Every day is a gift, and I try to remember that every day. Your mom must have been a special woman, because she sure raised one.

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